L.O.B. Dynasty? Depends on “DangeRuss” Wilson

Had this exchange with my buddy Jordan recently:

Jordan: You seen Andy Roddick’s wife?
Me: Brooklyn Decker?
Jordan: She could play the aliens.
Me: What?
Jordan: Read the Bill Simmons column on the Alien Game.
Me: I don’t have 6 hours available today, sorry.

Apparently, Simmons and famous Sports Reporter Bob Ryan picked the perfect all-time starting 5 for a winner-take-Earth game between humans and invading aliens. (I really didn’t have time for a 16,000-word column, but just for argument’s sake: Kareem, Russell, LeBron, MJ, Magic.)

Among our friends, the definition of “play the aliens” has evolved (or perhaps devolved) into basically anything rad: great food, beautiful women, transcendent teams. Yes, Mrs. Roddick could play the aliens. Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle could play the aliens. The shrimp & grits at Max’s Wine Dive on McKinney Ave. could play the aliens. Miley Cyrus might be an alien.

The Seahawks’ defense? Not sure there are another 11 guys in NFL history I’d take against an extra-terrestrial Peyton Manning. The L.O.B. delivered the greatest Super Bowl effort ever by humiliating the greatest offense of the Offense Era and skirting the rules designed specifically for yards and points. The ’85 Bears never turned 7-2 offsuit into trips aces. Plus, Seattle’s fast, they’re physical, they’re arrogant, they’re focused, they’re just … ballers.

Despite mostly a “don’t-screw-it-up” role in three playoff wins, Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson is more baller than bus driver, too. He’ll need to get better and better, because the 49ers’ defense could play the aliens, too. All 11 of their guys look like they can successfully wrestle a bear. And their quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, has proven he’s serious about becoming an elite player.

The quarterbacks. Don’t forget about them.

In the NFC Title Game three weeks ago, the deciding factor between these West Coast rivals wasn’t really defense. It was Wilson making a couple more big throws than Kaepernick – most notably, Kaepernick leaving his last end zone fade a little short for Richard Sherman to bat down … and subsequently cut a WWE promo next to a mortified Erin “Mean Gene” Andrews.

While cleaning out old magazines last week I found my Feb. 4, 1991 issue recapping the Giants’ dramatic Super Bowl win over Buffalo. The great Dr. Z wrote this about Bill Parcells’ second Super Bowl team:

“Power wins football games,” Parcells repeated endlessly amidst the postgame locker room turmoil. “Power wins football games.” That philosophy has permeated his approach to the game: Draft big, powerful people to play on both sides of the ball, grind out a rushing game behind a hog-type line (fortified by three tight ends when necessary), stuff the run on defense and, when the other team passes, make sure the routes are short and the receivers are funneled to the linebackers. Big people attacking little people. It’s a brutal concept…”

Sound familiar? Seattle and San Fran have managed to draft size and speed. Manning looked dizzied on Super Bowl Sunday, like he was seeing 12 or 13 defenders on the field at once.

The difference? Seattle and San Fran have far more gifted talents than Jeff Hostetler, or Jim McMahon, or Brad Johnson, or Trent Dilfer.  If they can follow the New England model – stockpile picks and turn a high percentage into contributors – then they can afford to pay their quarterbacks the moon and still contend for several more years.

These teams brutalized each other three times in 2013, reminding us that defense still wins in the cold and wet. But in this overall matchup, we see two great defenses basically neutralize each other.

Which QB keeps developing faster, Russ or Kap? That’s what will decide the NFC West, and maybe the NFC, and maybe the world champion, next year and beyond.

Bad news for the Cowboys. And the aliens.

(Photo Credit: DallasCowboys.com)